


Exploring Potential

by EllieL



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Anxiety, Difficult Decisions, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Jedi, Late Night Conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24913411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieL/pseuds/EllieL
Summary: "Luke wants to train me as a Jedi."Leia has a difficult decision to make about her future, and Han helps her talk through it.Written for the June 2020 HanLeia Challenge prompt "Jedi."
Relationships: Leia Organa & Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa/Han Solo
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40
Collections: HanLeia Challenge





	Exploring Potential

She swirled the Corellian whisky in her tumbler, not quite able to meet his eyes, and gathered her courage. This was not a conversation she wanted to have; she knew it was coming, but had hoped for more time to think about it first.

“Luke wants to train me as a Jedi.”

There was silence after she spoke, filled only with the low hum of the Falcon’s ground systems. His glass clinked loudly as he sat it on the dejarik table, nearly echoing in the quiet. As did the creak of the worn leather seating as Han leaned back against it. She knew he was studying her like a sabacc opponent, but couldn’t look up at him. The whisky in her glass was too fascinating.

“And what did you say?” The question sounded casual, his voice calm and even.

“That I needed to think about it.”

“Yeah.” He picked up his glass, and finished it all in one swig. “And?”

Shrugging, she looked up at him finally. There was no reassuring quirk to his lips, or crinkle at the corner of his eyes; his face was studiously blank, in a way it almost never was around her. “He only asked me this afternoon, as we were packing up the last of the habitats we’d set up for the ground troops.”

“He only--wait, they got  _ you _ helping with that?”

She shrugged again. “We both get along well with the Ewoks. And it was nice to just be one of the troops for a while.”

“Okay.” There was a clink as the glass met the tabletop again. “So you had some mindless work to do, and think on it. What’re you thinking now?”

He looked expectant, brows raised, as if expecting her to already have a decision made and her future all laid out.

“I have no idea.”

“You mean you have too many ideas.” He knew her so well, in being aware of that.

“Not...ideas.” She was afraid to give voice to the fear, and ashamed of herself for being afraid to voice it, especially to him, now.

“Fears,” he said, more reckless than she.

Nodding, she studied her glass again, swirling the amber liquid again before raising it to her lips. But before she could take a sip, he’d slid around the bench and wrapped an arm around her. Involuntarily, she shuddered and let herself collapse against him. 

For long minutes he just stroked her back as she gathered herself together again. She wasn’t crying, just completely overwhelmed and unable to find her equilibrium. Only when she was breathing deeply and steadily, inhaling the comforting smells of ozone and Wookie and whisky, did he breach the silence around them. 

“It’s been a tough coupla days. Why don’t you sleep on it tonight, huh?” 

His arms tightened around her, as if to lift her up; she knew he knew she hated being manhandled like that, and breathed a sigh of relief when his grip eased and he pulled away. He’d just been warning her he was getting up, and inviting her along without saying a word. 

“Sleep sounds like a good idea.” Righting herself on the bench, she gathered their glasses and made as if going to the galley.

Han caught her elbow, just enough to stop her. “Leave ‘em. C’mon.”

The glasses fell back onto the table with a clatter as she let him escort her back to the captain’s bunk. He barely turned on the lights, leaving the room dim and quiet as he began to remove her jumpsuit. He’d undressed her many times now, usually quickly and passionately, to the detriment of a few buttons and fasteners, and a few times slowly and teasingly. But this was different—no less loving but completely devoid of eroticism as he pushed her cuff over her ankle and tugged one of his soft shirts over her head and unwove the pins and plaits from her hair.

She practically collapsed onto the bunk and was barely aware when he rolled in next to her and wrapped himself around her mere moments later.

  
  
  


At some point hours later, sometime approaching morning, she stirred. Arms pulled her closer, and she let them, pressing herself into the soothing warmth of his body. She remained still, keeping her breathing steady, trying not to wake Han. Other than his subconscious gesture of affection, he showed no sign of waking, breathing remaining slow and steady once she’d settled back against him. 

His comfort infused her as she let her thoughts wander. Now more sober and less exhausted, she allowed her mind to drift back to the conversation she’d had with Luke yesterday. It was the latest in a string of difficult discussions she’s had with the young man who’d always  _ felt _ like a brother to her, and who, it turns out, was. Having Luke for a brother did not trouble her--he was exactly the little brother she’d always wished for and never had. It was the rest of the familiar relations and baggage that went along with it was deeply troubling. 

She understood how Luke was able to forgive what Vader had done to him—it had all been personal. And he’d had some kind of closure on the second Death Star before it blew. Leia could have forgiven what Vader had ordered personally done to her on the first Death Star; it still pained her, some days, but she could have forgiven it. What she could not forgive was what he had allowed to happen to Alderaan, what he had helped to wreak upon the citizens of the galaxy. She’d seen first hand what he’d caused , and it had been far more gruesome than a cleanly severed hand or nerve tremors. 

And she had that power within her, too. Luke wanted her to learn to use it. But did she trust herself with that kind of power? To not use it to do all the wrong things for all the right reasons? Since childhood, she had seen personally what power did to people, even the best intentioned. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by a barely-kiss on the top of her head. “You’re worryin’.”

She nodded, but said nothing, knowing he could feel the slight shift against him.

“About Luke’s offer?”

“It doesn’t really feel like an offer,” she began, after a long silence filled with consideration.

“Then what is it?” His voice was barely more than a whisper, almost lost to the hum. of the Falcon’s systems.

After another long silence, she finally answered, “A ticking bomb.”

He made a non-commital noise near her ear, as one hand began stroking through her hair, fingers tangling loosely then freeing, soothing. They were both quiet a long time, and if not for the hand in her hair, she might have thought he’d fallen back asleep; she almost had.

“You worried you’ll end up like--him?”

“Not like him, no,” she answered carefully. She knew she wouldn’t be tempted the kind of evil Vader had been; she knew she did not have it in her to stand by and watch a world be destroyed as interrogation technique. “But it’s power Han, in a way that most beings can’t even comprehend. In addition to what political power I have now. I might have the power through—him—but the threat I would pose would be closer to what the Emperor did. Politics twisted to suit my own needs, opposition controlled and silenced….”

“You’re not worried Luke will take over the galaxy?”

The giggle erupted out of her without conscious thought, and she felt guilty even as it was leaving her lips. “No. Can you imagine?”

He laughed then, too, softly, chest rumbling under her cheek and loosening some of the fear clenching her heart. “No. But I can’t imagine him letting you do that, either. Or me.”

“When have you ever been able to stop me from doing anything?” She poked a finger between his ribs, until he caught her hand in his own, and laced their fingers together. Abruptly, he brought it up to his lips, kissing her knuckles.

“You already saw all kinds of terrible things happen, Leia. Your whole world, gone. If you were gonna go crazy evil, you’d have snapped and done it then. Not now, when you got a galaxy to rebuild.”

“I wasn’t trained as a Jedi, then.”

“The kid had a couple hours of training, max, before old man Kenobi died. I saw most of it. And he managed to save the galaxy. You already know how to save the galaxy without that training, so imagine what you could do with a little of it.”

Part of her wanted to laugh and squeeze him tightly, but a deeper part of her was terrified that he’d voiced exactly the worry she’d had, but made it sound so pleasant. She couldn’t help the shiver than ran through her. He’d felt it; his hand pressed into her lower back, steady and warm and grounding.

“Is that so scary?”

“It’s exactly what the Emperor thought he was doing--shaping the galaxy as he thought it should be. And he used Vader as his tool.”

She felt him sigh, but his hand slid up and down her back. Eventually he began, “We’ve known each other how long? Four or five years?” She nodded. 

“And when have you ever done anything that was just how you wanted it to be? Even if it meant taking longer to make a decision, because you wanted everybody to be on board with it?”

Sighing against him, she thought of all the times he’d teased her about being a committee. 

“See, right?” He gave her a little squeeze.

“You think I should do it.”

“I don’t think you should do anything you don’t want to do,” he said carefully, after a moment’s consideration. “But if I’m flying a ship, I wanna test out all the options and handling, before I need to use ‘em.”

It was a perspective she hadn’t had a chance to consider, and one that was eminently sensible. “You think I should learn something about it, how I feel actually using the Force, before I decide whether or not to actually train?”

“Yeah.”

“I hadn’t thought about asking to explore my...skills, without going all-in on training.”

Han shrugged and shifted, rolling and sliding down a bit in bed to face her, though it was so dark she could barely make out more than the silhouette of his face. Fiding her lips unerringly, even in the dark, he found her lips and kissed her twice, gently, then once more with more passion, which she eagerly met.

“I think you’d regret it if you didn’t at least try it out, Leia.”

She kissed him again. “I think you’re right.”

“You don’t have to be a Jedi if you won’t want to be, Leia.” He kissed her on the forehead. “But you’d make a pretty spectacular one, if you do want to be.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, tucking herself back around him.

“Any time.” Han embraced her again, cuddling even closer to her, and sighed. He seemed to fall back asleep almost immediately.

For a few minutes longer she lay awake, feeling the rise and fall of his chest against hers, and let her breathing fall into rhythm with his. She no longer felt afraid of her potential ability with the Force, but curious about it, if not quite eager. When the rendezvoused back with the fleet later in the afternoon, she’d make time to speak with Luke, and begin her exploring powers she’d never imagined she had.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
